Plate tectonics – an alternative hypothesis

Having immersed myself in the “official” theory (see Plate tectonics), I wondered if there might be another explanation:

There are giants somewhere around,
Many metres underground.
I am sure there are, ’cos continents are drifting;
And there’s earthquakes, causing damage
On such scales mankind can’t manage.
Only giants could cope with all that heavy lifting.

And just how, you might enquire,
Do volcanoes spew out fire?
Well, those giants have got a dragon as a pet.
He’s their source of light and heat
And emergency red meat.
(If you think that’s weird, you ain’t heard nothin’ yet.)

When the giants go on their hols
They recruit some freelance trolls
Who parade along the beach, like little armies.
Then, with loud Norwegian grunts,
All the trolls dive in at once –
And that’s the cause of all the world’s tsunamis.

Here’s a fact that’s often missed:
When the giants get really drunk,
There are punch-ups in their subterranean bar.
Each giant wallop corrugates
Nearby continental plates –
That’s how mountains came to be the way they are.

Well, I’ve taken up your time
With my brand-new paradigm,
Which has turned old Plate Tectonics on its head.
But there’s one more thing I’ve found:
Giants and trolls stay underground,
Except when you’re alone, asleep in bed . . .

[Image: Quayle]
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