At this time of year, shops offer at reduced prices all the clothes that no-one wanted at their full prices, many of them to my wife. I try to help in making crucial decisions, but it does seem to involve a lot of waiting around.
Outside the Ladies’ Changing Rooms
I’m waiting for my wife.
My brain, alert as ever, thinks
“There must be more to life.”
Just over there a notice says:
“Look, there’s your chance,” my brain insists,
“To be a Bargain Gent –
“Stand near that sign. The ladies will
Be thoroughly deluded.
They’ll snap you up (a quarter off,
With Nectar points included).”
I wander off to try my luck,
But cannot find a buyer.
“I’m Customer Support,” I say
When nearby staff enquire.
“Looks like your price is still too high,”
My brain insanely proffers.
“Let’s try again: move to your left
To This Week’s Special Offers.”
As Special Offers go, it seems
Mine isn’t good enough,
For no-one takes me to the till –
They buy the other stuff.
My wife appears. “How’s this,” she asks,
“I’d value your advice.”
“At last I’m valued!” I exclaim.
“Yes, dear,” she says. “How nice.”