At the sales

At this time of year, shops offer at reduced prices all the clothes that no-one wanted at their full prices, many of them to my wife. I try to help in making crucial decisions, but it does seem to involve a lot of waiting around.

Outside the Ladies’ Changing Rooms
I’m waiting for my wife.
My brain, alert as ever, thinks
There must be more to life.

Just over there a notice says:
Save 25%!
Look, there’s your chance,” my brain insists,
To be a Bargain Gent.

Stand near that sign. The ladies will
Be thoroughly deluded.
They’ll snap you up (a quarter off,
With Nectar points included).”

I wander off to try my luck,
But cannot find a buyer.
“I’m Customer Support,” I say
When nearby staff enquire.

Looks like your price is still too high,
My brain insanely proffers.
Let’s try again: move to your left
To This Week’s Special Offers.”

As Special Offers go, it seems
Mine isn’t good enough,
For no-one takes me to the till –
They buy the other stuff.

My wife appears. “How’s this,” she asks,
“I’d value your advice.”
“At last I’m valued!” I exclaim.
“Yes, dear,” she says. “How nice.”

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