I have just directed an innocent visitor who sought the location of Horsham’s Register Office to where it used to be until three years ago. Oh well, if she ever manages to find where it moved to, she will at least have learned more about the geography of the town.

If ever you are lost, and are driven to accost
A local for directions, I’m the chap
Who with confidence will say, “Oh, it’s easy – that’s the way…”.
(You’ll wish you’d come prepared and brought a map.)

I’ll dish out clear directions so chock-full of imperfections,
They’re guaranteed to drive you round the bend –
So many bends in fact that, though I might have lacked
Precision, you will get there – in the end . . .

And your knowledge of the place will have grown at such a pace
That, if people ask you which way they should go,
You can confidently say, “Oh, it’s easy – that’s the way…”,
And it’s me you’ll have to thank for all you know.

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