All lit up

Given the shortage of halls to deck around Christmas time, you’ve got to admire the dedication, if not the taste, of people who dress up their entire house and garden in a blaze of kitsch. But I wonder if they have taken a certain seasonally important factor into account. . .

It’s quite a surprise on these dark winter nights
When you come across houses all covered in lights.
Look! There’s reindeer, bells, Christmas trees, angels, a star,
And a giant inflatable snowman – bizarre!
All of them lit up, from inside or out,
So you’re obviously meant to be left in no doubt
That their owners are making their personal bid
To drain all the amps from the National Grid.

And fairy lights flash in their manifold hues,
All strung out on wires from a 13-amp fuse,
Draped over the trees pretending they’re leaves,
Racing up walls, creeping under the eaves,
Up to the roof and the tall chimney stack,
Over the front door and round to the back,
Winding round drainpipes and hanging from gutters.
What’s up with these folk? Are they artists or nutters?

Their houses and gardens light up the night sky,
They’ve spent lots of money – the question is, why?
I reckon these people should all be reminded
That poor Father Christmas is easily blinded;
His night flights with reindeer to slumbering tots
Might not be so easy if thousands of watts
Interfere with his Present Delivery System,
And millions of kids wake to find that he’s missed ’em.

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