Come rain or shine

Old sayings often have more than a grain of truth. I thought I would give one the benefit of modern technology to improve a popular but notoriously unreliable service.

I am chasing a dream
Where I set up a scheme
By which weather forecasts are improved:
I have fathomed out how,
With the aid of a cow,
All the guesswork’s completely removed.

For, time and again,
All those Met Office men
Get it totally wrong – and get paid!
It’s high time their black arts
And extravagant charts
Were exposed, and their errors displayed.

So the plan in my mind
Is a satellite, primed
To spot cows in the fields. I’ll explain:
If a cow’s lying down,
Whether black, white or brown,
There’s a saying that says it will rain.

So it scans every zone
Plotting cows who lie prone,
Then it filters the data it’s found;
Clever circuits, hardwired,
Exclude cows who’re just tired,
And beam down its results to the ground.

My new forecasts will be
Of such accuracy,
They’ll be better than any about.
No more will you bet
On a dry day or wet –
The Met Office had better look out!

[Images:, The TImes, and the European Space Agency]
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