There’s a website that  claims to show Santa’s present delivering progress in real time as the world turns on Christmas Eve. A certain bearded reindeer pilot got to hear of it and was Not Amused:

It has come to my attention
From a source I cannot mention
That some children (and some adults, I believe)
Are confused and quite upset
By the wretched Internet
Whose ‘Santa-tracking’ site on Christmas Eve
Puts flags upon a map
(No doubt there is an app)
That claim to point to every place I stop.
They’re puzzled, for they’ve seen
Other ‘Santas’ when they’ve been
Enticed into a ‘grotto’ in a shop.

Let me set the record straight:
I’m in a quantum state,
And the Principle of Heisenberg applies:
You cannot fully know
What I am and where I go
And those who say they can are telling lies!
Kids have known through all of history
My existence is a mystery –
I don’t exist until I am observed,
As Schrödinger declared. It might seem shocking,
But I’m here, and I am there,
It’s like I’m everywhere;
So just keep calm and go hang up your stocking.

[Image: theguardian]
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