What’s the secret of staying young? It’s a secret, but as it’s you, I’ll let you in on it.
The world’s full of tricksters, determined to sell you
The secret of youth, but their schemes have no value.
But I know the answer, and now I shall tell you.
I’ve discovered a method of not getting old,
The knowledge of which is more treasured than gold –
A secret that never before has been told.
Its value in pounds is as much the Earth weighs,
So shower me with cash if you think that it’s worth praise:
The secret is simple: just stop having birthdays!
In case your relations protest in a rage,
Just tell them politely, “If you’ll disengage
From birth anniversaries, then I won’t age!
And, if they agree they will give it the chop,
Say, “But presents are something I don’t want to stop,
So here is a scheme that will do as a swop:
Once a year, in its place, I’ll assign, if I may
A birthday-replacement No-Age Present Day”.
Then everyone’s happy, for ever and ay!